Corkman reveals tips for social climbing in new book

THE Blackrock Road inveterate snob, Reggie, has a lot on his (Royal Doulton) plate these days, with a book to publicise and his announcement that he’s going to run for the presidency.

It’s all about ‘giving back’ says the Captain of Cork Industry.

But if that sounds unlikely, then it is. Reggie’s comments will reveal something other than an altruistic streak. He hopes his book, Reggie’s Guide To Social Climbing, will be a success and says it’s not necessarily a sign of being an intellectual.

“I appreciate that even reading a book will probably make you an intellectual in some places such as Ballinlough, but not on the Blackrock Road. We all have a book on the go so we can get the artist’s tax exemption. That’s hugely popular.”

Reggie’s book aims to help people such as “new-money types in horrible places like Ballincollig and Glanmire where people have no idea how to behave in polite society. I want to give them the benefit of my years with panache and effortlessness.”

In the book, there are four rungs on the social ladder.

“The captains of Cork Industry are number one, but you can’t get to that level so don’t bother trying.

“But rung two; doctors, dentists and people who go skiing during school term, is something you can fake if you don’t have all those absolutes. The whole point of the book is that you can certainly fake it. Don’t mind ‘fake it until you make it’. 

The minute you fake it, you’ve made it. Social climbing is all about fooling people into thinking that you’re better than you are.

Reggie has also founded a charity called ‘The Prevention of Cruelty to Northsiders’. Does he actually care about people living north of the river?

“It’s a tax-efficient charity,” responds Reggie, who is obsessed with avoiding tax (legally, of course.) He says that your status in life doesn’t have to be pre-determined by birth. “You can climb the social ladder if you follow my steps.”

But what’s all this about giving back?

“It’s kind of tax-related. I won’t go into the details. Running for the presidency is all part of the campaign.”

For his shot at the Áras, Reggie has a number of “policy goals”.

“I’d be banning the Green Party. The polls are telling me that would be hugely popular, particularly among Green Party who are sick of cycling everywhere.”

There’ll be no candles in the windows of the Áras. Nor will there be an emphasis on human rights and the arts.

“There will be none of that. It will be mainly about craic.”

Think former British Prime Minster Boris Johnson, rather than Michael D Higgins.

Does Reggie have a sneaking regard for Boris?

There’s nothing sneaking about it at all. I think he’s fantastic.

In running for the presidency, Reggie’s chief goal would be to go up against Bertie Ahern.

“Obviously, Bertie Ahern is from Dublin and that isn’t even the worst thing about him. Enda Kenny is another person who looks like he might run. These men of the west types, I don’t like them at all. You know Michael D is from Limerick? He kept that quiet. He sells himself as this man of the west. It’s about time there was a southern gentleman as the head of State.”

Reggie’s wife, Marjorie (who doesn’t deserve the adjective ‘long suffering’) is all for moving to the Áras.

“It would play really well in Sunday’s Well Tennis Club, where some women would come in saying they’ve just come back from Martinique. To be able to say ‘my husband is the President’ would be game, set and match.”

While Reggie is well known for having an open marriage (he has a thing for Northern European women), Marjorie isn’t exactly sobbing into her sherry at home.

“Put it this way, Marjorie goes tennis training three times a week. She doesn’t play tennis. She doesn’t even have a racquet. But the tennis coach is gorgeous. So yes, Marjorie has an open marriage as well. Maybe not as much as myself.”

In running for the presidency (and no doubt promoting his book), Reggie will be going on tour around the country.

“I’d be the first to it to boasting that I know nothing about ordinary people. But thanks to the constitution, you all have a vote. So I’m going on a listening tour.

“The thing is, I can take the yacht from Ballycotton. But Banteer is a different kettle of fish. My good friend, Bunty Harrington has a tank. He’s obsessed with GAA women and likes to go to matches in Croke Park in his tank. I’ll use that to tour.”

As part of Irish Book Week in Cork, the launch of Reggie’s Guide To Social Climbing takes place at Waterstones at 7pm on October 19.

MORE ABOUT IRISH BOOK WEEK EVENTS IN CORK

Now in its sixth year, Irish Book Week, will run from October 14 to 21 and is a nationwide celebration of Irish bookshops, Irish books, publishers, writers, illustrators, and poets.

The campaign aims to encourage people from across Ireland to visit their local bookshops to discover and enjoy a range of exciting and interesting events, readings, parties, displays and much more.

The stunning artwork for this year’s campaign was produced by well-known children’s illustrator and author, Ashwin Chacko, who has also come on board as a campaign Ambassador.

ing Ashwin as Ambassadors this year too are author Courtney Smyth, writer, musician and publisher Tadhg Mac Dhonnagáin, and consultant endocrinologist and author, Dr Mary Ryan. Events in Cork include:

• On October 17 at 6.30pm, the closing event for ‘Cork: One City, One Book’ in conjunction with Cork City Libraries, will see Liberty Terrace author Madeleine D’Arcy in conversation with Eibhlis Ní Dhuibhne at Waterstones.
• On October 18 at 6.30pm in Waterstones, Eamon Carr and Joe O’Shea will be in conversation on the theme of ‘Showbusiness with Blood’.
• On October 20 at 6pm, there will be a poetry reading in Waterstones with Stanley Notte and Andie McNamara.
• On October 21 at 3pm at Waterstones, Paul Flynn will be g copies of his book, Butter Boys.

For further information on the events taking place in Waterstones, Cork, for Irish Book Week, call the store on 021 4276 522 or email [email protected]

Keep an eye on Bookselling Ireland’s social media platforms for details of other events taking place throughout the country during the week-long celebration;

Facebook: @BooksellingIreland,

Twitter: @BooksellingI

Instagram: @BooksellingI

The campaign hashtag is #IrishBookWeek